(Custom Portrait 2007- Emmanuel)
One of the problems with aging is watching your friends age with you. It’s a constant reminder of how old you are getting.
People completely change in appearance (whisper: it’s not for the better by the most part). Along with complaints of a myriad of old age maladies; it’s as if some just stop caring about how they look. I know it’s not good to focus on such things, but let’s get real for a minute: We all think about it and pretend we don’t.
And to those youngsters sitting there right now thinking, ‘I’ve got years before I have to deal with it.’ Think again! It’s happening to you as you read this.
It’s always a bit of shock when I see an old friend after period of years. I saw my ex-husband after about 12-15 years. The first thing he said to me was, “You look great. You look just like you used to!”
Although flattered, I stood frozen and looked at this wrinkled grey liar, trying desperately to find some semblance of the individual I was actually married to for a decade and bore two children. It sounded like him, but I wouldn’t have recognized him if I passed him on street.
Don’t worry. I didn’t tell him he looked like hell. I said something like, “It’s nice to see you also.”
(The Tyler's. Custom Portrait - done from photo-2009)Then this weekend I watched a movie (2007/ Away From Her) with the Oscar winning British actress Julie Christie. Checking her bio on the internet, I found she’s 67 years old. Her hair is grey and she’s clad with an abundance of wrinkles that define her age. The tale-tell signs of natural aging around her eyes and neck made it clear she hasn’t had cosmetic surgery.
I was absolutely mesmerized by her. You know, I think she is actually more beautiful now than she ever was as young star.
I guess it’s truly how you feel about your age or even more definitively- yourself. You can welcome your age and incorporate it into who you are with gusto and health -or you can look like my ex-husband. (Just kidding)
There is a medical insurance commercial whose lyrics are ‘I want to be an old lady when I grow up.’ It shows elderly women of every size and shape enjoying life to the max.
You know what? I want to be an old lady just like that also.
So, how do you feel about the aging process- and be honest!
Vikki
And BTW, the drawings I’ve been doing recently can be ‘had for a charm’. They’re relatively fast for me to do and inexpensive to ship. They come in a mailing tube. I can’t quote a price because it’s subject dependant. But- if you think you might like one; you can contact me here and tell me what you’re thinking about.
The top image is done in Conte Crayon. The middle is a quick charcoal sketch. Please visit the Red Chair Gallery.
28 comments:
One of the unfairnesses of life is that men tend to age better. Not always but in general. It may have a lot to do with cultural attitudes toward beauty and the different standards we use. There are many women who have aged well, some who looked better in their forties than they did in their twenties. Some well into their 60s. Shirley MacLaine comes to mind. As I grow older, I find that my concept of beauty expands but that youthful beauty seems less attractive.
My Grandmother used to say "aging isn't for wimps". I know I am only 42, and still considered to be a youngster, but the process is fast upon me.
I'm looking more like my Father every day. We used to cal him Wrinkles, because he had some very defining winkles around his eyes and forehead. They did not make him look "old" per say, but rather gave him a "traveled" look. Maybe adding to his intriguing appeal.
I have been feeling the effect also. Of course I think much of it is due to the physical nature of my job. I refuse to let it change my approach to the average day, and can still out work many a youngster. I get a real kick out of watching an 18 to 20 year old look at me with rapt fascination when they are sitting down to take a breather while I'm still plugging along shoveling, cleaning, or what ever the task may be.
Hi Eric-
I remember being 42. It’s weird point, but at least they don’t card you and you’re not classified as ‘kid’ anymore, huh?
I’m with you! My son lived with his Dad from the age of 14 to 17. His father’s lifestyle is sedentary- thus became my young son’s during those years.
When he returned home to me- he and I went to a health recreation course with bars and jumps. I was 37 years old and he was 17. He couldn’t even BEGIN to keep up with me. To say it shocked him to see his ‘old mother’ going through the course w/o issue is an understatement. And it really irritated the hell out of him to hear me yelling, “Come on Robby- you can do it!”
I’m finding the same thing. I can see my reflection in a store window and for a brief second it’s like seeing my Mother. It actually makes me feel good.
Vikki
Hi Douglas,
Thanks. What I really loved in your comment is as you grow older-‘youthful beauty seems less attractive‘. That’s a sign of intelligence and depth, Douglas.
I think you hit the nail on the head with ‘cultural attitudes toward beauty and the different standards we use.” I don’t think ‘men actually age better than women’ by any definition. Men don’t take care of their skin like women do throughtout their lives and the results of that are apparent as they age. Society accepts than men can have faces like an old wrinkled shoe -even go bald and it’s defined as distinguished - showing character and life well lived.
On the other hand, women are expected to always look like a twenty year old in body and face throughout their lives. Got to tell you- being a woman can be a tough row to walk.
Vikki
Hi Vikki,
Gosh, I'm so vain. I wish I don't ever get wrinkly. I know that old age, along with wrinkles, will eventuatlly catch up to me. I'm just fortunate that I'm fairly taught and wrinlke-free at the moment. They're the only things that make up for what I lack in height, perfect bone structure, and physical beauty that only other women possess, and things that I can only dream of. I wish I don't have to dye my hair and just let it go grey. But I must not be self-confindent enough a person in my own skin because I go to great legnths at keeping my hair black. I know that the minute I let it go grey, that's it. I'm pure old! And not a pretty old one, either. Hee, hee I admire people who are very comfortable growing old gracefully.
Cheers!
Tasha
Hi Tasha,
You’re so beautiful.
I’m sure you know that Philippine’s have Asian blood running through their veins also. My assistant was a Chinese American and he would be QUICK to tell you in ‘no uncertain terms’ that Asians age MUCH better than ANY other race of people on the planet.
To funny.
Vikki
There's this person inside of me who is just the same now as when he went into the Marine Corps at age 17. And there is this slow realization, on his part, that the person he sees in the mirror every morning really IS him, and he doesn't look as youthful on the outside as he feels on the inside. As it becomes more and more difficult for the 'outside' to keep up with what the 'inside' wants to do, there will have to come a reckoning, one of these days, between the two. Someone is going to have to give in to the other. Frankly, I'm rooting for the guy on the 'inside', but truthfully, I don't think he has much of a chance.
Hi Lou,
I see it like this: The guy on the inside will ALWAYS be more persistent than the guy on the outside. So, if I were the guy on the outside- I'd just shutup and follow the lead of the guy on the inside.
And the guy on outside might want to tell the guy on the inside that your a handsome devil no matter what.-So the guy on the inside might watch what he says to the guy on the outside.
Big hugs.
Vikki
i LIKE getting older. will be 50 this year, am healthy and active. don't dye my hair, so i look older than i need to, but oh well.i don't look at myself very often, and am sometimes surprised at this person with gray hair & wrinkles and age spots (pre make up) but i am happier than i was in my 20 and much of my 30s and i like knowing that i can't control much except me and my reaction to things. it's so freeing!
HI Vikki :) I view aging as our cocoon- the cocoon grows less pretty, wrinkled, and tough, for protection-- we become more dependant on our surroundings. Lots going on inside- growing till finally we leave our cocoon free and fly
Hi Epithany Artist,
What an excellent analogy! I love that. And you’re so right. It’s definitely liberating.
Vikki
Hi mk,
Great comment. Thanks. You’re to cute and I’m completely with you! Although I’d love to have 20 year old skin, I wouldn’t go back there for anything! Every line I own, - I earned and paid for dearly.
And you’re going to laugh! The first thing I did was let my hair go back natural when I retired. I only have a bit of grey coming in at my temples but my hair is naturally so light it’s hardly visible. I like it. I have no intention of dyeing it-at least for now.
vikki
hi vicki- thanks for stopping by my blog & leaving a comment. the hubcap project inbfo is at www.landfillart.org the organizer has saved over 1000 hubcaps from a landfill in pennsylvania & is having artists from all over (each county in pa, each of the states, various countries) make things with them. plans a book with all and a touring exhibit with 250. check the website- some of what's been done so far is really cool! i will check martha's blog- thanks!
Thanks Marianne,
I'll definitely check out the link. What a great idea!
Vikki
Aging - let's see. We start having pain early, and it gets gradually worse so you can be ready for what it's like when you get REALLY old. Some pain every day now - pretty good at ignoring it. My hair is still thick, and it started going gray rapidly starting at age 27 - but it's changed how it comes out of my head and there are areas that have no manners of sense of part anymore. And when it's cut it sticks out everywhere. It's a pain. I know I will wear (like most Magyars) bags beneath the bags beneath the bags under my eyes, and they will visually echo the jowls and wattle that will hang all around them.
But you know, I truly believe, while youthful looks are enchanting, that real beauty comes only with age and individual lines and creases. Laugh lines, in particular, really get to me.
Hi Steve,
That was so funny. You’re a clown, Steve. You’ve got a head full of thick hair. I’ve seen your pictures.
But, I do have to agree. Age has an indisbutable beauty of it’s own and the smile lines are best and most comforting.
Vikki
Both drawings are beautiful, the one of the couple is very touching. So much history and love in that hug.
Hi Peggi,
Thanks. Drawing is very cathardic as I'm sure you know. I love doing these sketches.
Vikki
I love your drawings, Vicki. You captured the warmth of life and laughter.
Thoughts on aging.. hmm. One of my friends told me, "I want to die young so that I never have to get old. I hate the idea of getting old."
Age with grace and laugh a lot, if I can do that, it will be a worthy goal accomplished!
My grandmother is 82 years old and still drives her car long distances (she's quite safe on the road). She farms her land and works in the gardens daily. She looks great and has a sharp mind. I'd like to age as she has, with heart and spirit and soul.
But then, I see alzheimers on my Mom's side of the family and it scares me to think... that I wouldn't remember those I love or that those I love won't remember me. We have to take our chances with the road we are on and hope for the best.
Hi Aleta,
I thought you'd be off on a honeymoon little girl?
Your're so cute. I really enjoyed your marriage journal.
If you haven't -you OF ALL PEOPLE should watch 'Away From Her' with Julie Christie. Her character is in the beginning stages of alzheimers. It's heart warming and definitely makes you feel better- not worse about the disease. I think it's on Showtime or Stars this month.
Vikki
Vikki, you got some great comments on this post. At one time you dared me to post some pictures. Dare has been taken and is complete.
Hi Eric,
Cool. I'll check it out. We got a glimspe of you with the Las Vegas trip. I think it was Dina that wrote me and described you as a 'long drink of water.' She's so funny.
Vikki
Ah Vikki. I realize that this may surprise you; however, I am at a loss for words. That's because I could write a tome on this subject. :)
Several things:
(1) There were two reasons why I moved to a warm climate state after finishing school. One is relevant here. When I was younger, I noticed that the track stars living in warmer states had better times than those in other parts of the country, because they could train outdoors all year round. When I first arrived, I found men in their 70s and 80s participating in the local AAU track and swimming meets.
(2) Research now suggests that we can maintain youthful speed but that we have to work harder and harder at doing so as time progresses. Same with strength.
(3) We can become "smarter" about how we move and build muscles and stretch, especially to avoid injury and damage to body. There are many products, especially shoes, which are far better today.
(4) In the competitive sports, one can perform smarter than one's younger counterparts for many years.
(5) In the area of brain activity, there is a whole new area of medical research suggesting that we do not have to deteriorate much mentally. Check out PBS' "Brain Fitness Program."
(6) There is nothing more important than attitude, other than perhaps avoiding stressors in our lives. Based on our activity here at the Institute, we've found that the vast majority of stressors in one's life are brought on by ourselves.
(7) Best thing about getting older? One gains "perspective," and that's good.
Hi Logistician,
I will check out the PBS program. I love things like that.
And I really relate to ‘getting smarter’ about how you exercise. -In 2003 I completely wiped out my left leg-knee. I had to have surgery (‘donor’ tendon replacement -would you believe!). They said I would be on crutches for 3 or 4 months.
I couldn’t stand it. I went to therapy everyday and was off crutches in 3 weeks and out of the brace in 4wks. My doctor was pretty impressed.
Today, my leg is stronger than it ever was- but I learned the hard way to remember there are smarter ways of doing things.
Both of my grandmothers’ lived into their 90’s and sharp as a tack to the end. They were both physically active - and also did projects on a daily basis that demanded concentration or ‘cognitive exercise’ (if you will): READING, playing cards, sewing, cooking, gardening, and INTERACTING with people.
I think its common sense that if one wants to remain strong, you only need to do the things you know makes the body and mind strong= Use them.
Vikki
Just read your response Vikki, and thought about something about which I thought the first time around, but did not mention.
That's the physical/ superficial/ cosmetic appearance issue. I strongly believe that the more physically fit a person, the healthier, happier, and more energetic they will be, and thus their attitude will be similarly affected.
All of this ultimately leads to better physical appearance on the outside, although that is not necessarily the goal.
Hi Logistician,
I totally agree.
Vikki
I have a confession.
No, not that I am dying my hair and having weekly liposuction.
Here it is: I do not always read every single comment in a thread of comments.
This time, I chose to do so for some inexplicable reason. Perhaps it is because my Father, who generally played basketball daily at roughly 4 pm until he was 87, is now 88 and beginning to really complain about aging.
Upon reading through all of the comments, you'll see something revealed about us as humans, or perhaps just Americans.
BTW Vikki, some time ago, a friend sent me a PowerPoint slide show called, "The Women Who We Loved." It is a collection of photos of beautiful Hollywood actresses at varying stages in their careers, with the last pop up photo being a current one, or one taken shortly before their passing.
It's an interesting collage. Remind me to send it to you in roughly a week once I get computerized fully. You'll find it interesting which two actresses stood out as actually looking better perhaps in old age than in their youth. (Also, the plastic surgery reveals itself.)
Hi Logistician,
I know! It is always interesting to see the response to something that undeniably and affects us all.
Your Dad sounds terrific. I really respect people like him who’ve kept themselves so active and refuse to give into the rocking chair syndrome.
He's well within his rights to complain now and then at 88. (He probably just pulled a muscle going for that long jump for the hoop.)
I will remind you and anxious to see the segment.
Vikki
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